Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
