names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Randomize
