we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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