I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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