Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
