I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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