hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
