I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
