Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
