WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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