i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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