Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
