it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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