So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
