pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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