Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
