I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
