Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
