First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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