am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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