WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
