well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
