if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
