you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
