I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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