if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
