I think I died a long time ago.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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