And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
