Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
