My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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