I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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