I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
