so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
