ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
