Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
