The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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