Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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