So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
