I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
