she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
