Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
