you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize