Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
