Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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