two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
