wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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