Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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