That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
