I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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