btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
