even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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