My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
