I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
