You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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