Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
