The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
