A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
