Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
