So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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