Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
