I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
