dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
