She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
