Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
