You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
