I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
