So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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