I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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