Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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