I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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