I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
