You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im drinking this country out of the recession.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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