So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
