I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
