Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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