We won't sleep together?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
