Swine flu. Run for my life!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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