A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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