my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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