2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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