You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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